Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Ten Halloween Movie Suggestions
Unfortunately, Killer Workout (AKA Aerobicide) is only available on VHS and very hard to find, but here are 10 horror film suggestions for the upcoming holiday weekend:
1. SLEEPAWAY CAMP
The transcendent Felissa Rose stars as Angela, a quiet camper hiding a secret that may or may not have something to do with her deranged aunt, a tragic boating accident, or the unbelievably tight and revealing clothes the male campers at Camp Arawak wear. Her cousin saunters into the mess hall in a cowboy hat and gets in a slap fight with a bunch of guys. A boiling cauldron of corn kills a pervy cafeteria worker. Did I mention the clothes?
2. MASSACRE IN DINOSAUR VALLEY
Sometimes labeled incorrectly as a sequel to Cannibal Ferox, this questionably dubbed tropical trash-fest focuses on a somewhat random group of people whose plane crashes in Indian territory. Will the Vietnam vet with the alcoholic Julie Masking-lookalike wife snap? Will the brothers who look like Zagat from Street Fighter II resurface? Will someone explain why there is so, so, so much unnecessary nudity? Will that obnoxiously repetitive steel drum soundtrack go away?
This Spanish delight, directed by Jean Piquer Simon--whose oeuvre also includes Slugs and Mystery on Monster Island--centers on a college campus where someone is killing and chopping up young women. Featuring the most riveting delivery of the word "bastard" ever captured by celluloid, Pieces is also a brilliant psychoanalytic text, a quaint commentary on homosexuality in the early 80's, and very unusual clothing, a recurring theme in its genre.
4. THE SEVENTH CURSE
A truly surrealistic Honk Kong fantasy horror movie from the director of the unimpeachable Riki-Oh, The Seventh Curse is a rare opportunity to watch Maggie Cheung and Chow Yun-Fat together before they were superstars. The convoluted plot involves a jungle tribe, supernatural flying monsters, the fantastic Old Ancestor, and too much more to mention.
5. THE GRUESOME TWOSOME
A crazed wigmaker who talks to a stuffed cat terrorizes coeds who spend their days at the beach and their nights eating buckets of KFC at slumber parties. It's 1967 and these are the contents of Herschell Gordon Lewis's brain. As usual, he's put together hilariously incompetent actors, overlong gore scenes that are almost shockingly unrealistic, and inexplicable stylistic flourishes like an opening discussion between two bewigged foam heads in a shop window.
6. THE BEYOND
Lucio Fulci's New Orleans zombie gross-out experience features poisonous spiders, eyeball scenes, acid corroding skin, and a spicy soundtrack.
7. NIGHT OF THE COMET
Valley girls navigate immediately post-apocalyptic Los Angeles and remain totally bitchin'.
8 and 9. NIGHTBEAST and SHRIEK OF THE MUTILATED
One has the most unrealistic laser effects and thick Baltimore accidents. The other has full frontal male nudity. I won't tell you which is which.
10. TROLL 2
Posted by Charlie!!!!!!! at 4:20 PM