Gelfands Around the World at Work

Movies of 2009

Six Favorites:
The Headless Woman
Summer Hours
Police, Adjective
Mother
The White Ribbon
The Maid

Number Seven:
Still Walking (great movie with absolutely awful ending)

Two Duds:
Paranormal Activity
Mammoth

Still Need to See:
35 Shots of Rum
Beaches of Agnes
Bright Star

(Plus more. This is a living document.)

The Entire Telematic Age Summarized in One Conversation

You: hello
You: i am girl looking to show tits to horny male on sexy cam
Stranger: nice
Stranger: may I see?
You: yes
Stranger: msn?
You: i am russian female
Stranger: nice
Stranger: age?
You: 18
You: do you live in USA
Stranger: no
Stranger: I live in canada
You: i only like to chat with USA boys
You: canada i hear is filled with homosexual
Stranger: I am half american
You: are you half homosexual
Stranger: I am not homo
You: good
Stranger: I am straight
You: nice
You: my brother is homosexual
You: he live in moscow with 30-year-old business man
Stranger: anyway
Stranger: will you show me boobs
You: yes
You: how many girls you meet here show you boos
You: boobs
Stranger: today nobody
Stranger: anyway
Stranger: I dont have time
You: why would girls not show boobs to anonymous stranger on internet?
Stranger: msn or bye
You: give me one good reason
You: then i show you
Stranger: because
Stranger: they I probably horny
Stranger: and
Stranger: they wanna see cock
You: i ask why would they NOT show boobs
You: you fail
You: no boobs for you

Music Releases of 2009

Amesoeurs - Amesoeurs
Cold Cave - Love Comes Close
ES - Kesamaan Lapset
The High Wire - The Sleep Tape
Legion of Two - Riffs
Mountains - Choral
Rustie - Bad Science; Zig Zag
Shogun Kunitoki - Vinonaamakasio
Soror Dolorosa - Severance
Teenage Filmstars - Rocket Charms; Buy Our Record, Support Our Sickness (reissues)
The Voices - Death of a Lover's Song
Zelienople - Give It Up
Dubstep - Lots of it

Alphabet List 8: 26 Drag Queen Names

Anita Mann
Brooke Troutt
Crystal Bullock
DeTeria Rashun
Erin Favour
Farra Longway
Ginger Snapp
Helena Handbasket
Ivana Gimlet
Jo Peeples
KoKo Dusting
Luca Mychesti
Mona Pleasure
Noma Johnson
Oda Schmelling
Precious Johnson
Quinn Tupples
Rita Manuel
Sharon Stories
Tamara Works
Ura Beaver
Vonda Huggins
Wanda Lust
Xaviera Herdovitch
Yolanda Lakes
Zuzu Spettles

Alphabet List 7: 26 Ultrahilarious Names for Bars

Al Kaholic's
Boozy Tuesday's
Cachaca Cha Cha
Drambuie Louie's
Ethan Hall
Frosty Mugshot's
Ginger Schnapp's
Hot Buttered Room
Inn Ebriation
Juice's Wild
Kit and Kaboozle
Liqueur the Irish
Mordechai Beerstein's HeBrewpub
Navajo Nectar
Ouzo on First
Purple Hooters
Quivering Liver
Rum'n'Numerals
Stumble Inn
Three Shots to the Wind
Use Your Infusion
Vino the Score
Wino the Times
X Marks the Sot
Yadda Yadda Colada
Zha Zha GaBordeaux

Alphabet List 6: 26 Specials from the Brainerd Lakes Area Shopper

NOTE: Nineteen of these are actual, verbatim listings. Seven are not. Can you tell which are unreal?











All You Can Eat Spaghetti and Meatballs
Broasted Chicken Night
Chicken Minnesota
Dollar Burgers Every Wednesday
Expanded Meat Raffle
French Dip w/Chips, 5 p.m. Til Gone
German Potato Salad Feed
Hanging Beef Buffet
It's Back! Chicken Chow Mein w/Egg Roll
Jenkins Dog Clinic
King Crab Hoagie Hour
Log Sawing Contest
Mondays: Basket Food at 5 p.m.
New Word: Sorbet
Our Great Mexican Menu
Prime Rib Saturday
Quilt Shop Hop
Rock Shrimp Feast
Salmon Supper
Thirsty Tuesdays
Unlimited Taco Event
Vittles with Linda
Wednesday Pillow Cleaning
Xtra Cheesy Nachos
Yikes! Bikes!
Zorbaz DJ Dance Explosion